The Lightning Thief Lines

Dude, what was that?

Nothing.

Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?

Ask Nancy Bobofit. She’s a monster! Not literally, I don’t think.

She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?

She threw a peanut butter sandwich at YOU. I stopped it. With my head.

Grover, you’re a good friend.

Dude, I’m your only friend.

You gave me this pen! Only it wasn’t a pen, it was a sword, and… What?

Percy… We’ve never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds.

Yeah well, I’m sorry I let you down…

Maybe he’s right. You never fit in at this school anyway. You’re not exactly…

Normal?

Exactly! I mean, uh… I’ll see you on the bus.

Not any ordinary summer camp. Percy, your father is…

Baaaaah!

Oh look, a goat. Hey little guy -

Paaaa-ercy!

AAAH! Grover? What are you doing here? …And what happened to your legs?

I’ve been searching everywhere for you guys.

What is it? What’s wrong?

You didn’t tell her about the field trip?

You said it didn’t matter!

He met a Fury.

YOU’RE all furry! What happened to your legs?

I’m a Satyr! I’m half-goat?

Grover… Is a Fury after Percy right now?

A Fury? Oh, no no no -

Oh thank god.

It’s a Minotaur.

What’s a Minotaur?

Half-bull.

Like you?

I’m half-goat!

You’re the one it’s after, Percy. I love you so much. Run!

You heard your mom!

Nooo!!! I got him! Whoaa…

Percy! Don’t pass out don’t pass out dooon’t paaaass oouuuuutttt -

Rejects stick together. Besides, there’s someone who’s been waiting to see you.

I’m sorry. Satyrs are supposed to be protectors. I’m the worst satyr in the world -

Together we’ll search for your sign!

Come on! I’ll show you to the amphitheater… The armory… The cafetorium…

What’s going on? And are you ever going to wear pants again?

Nope!

She’s kind of intense.

You should see the captain of the other team.

Grover? Satyrs are creatures of Pan - god of the wild. You know what to do?

Yep. Hide in a tree!

You’re worm meat, Jackson! Worm meat!

Whoa, what happened here?

Chiron wins!

His dad’s definitely the worst!

Why Hades?

The Underworld is in Los Angeles.

You’re going to expel me. Again.

That’s not fair.

So what if no one’s come back from the Underworld! I’ll be the first.

And I’ll be second first!

We’re going on a killer quest!

Don’t forget this: Official Camp Half-Blood questing backpack. It comes pre-packed with everything you need: gold drachmas, ambrosia squares, deodorant.

Help, help!

Everyone off the bus!

I’m suffering now!

I smell gas.

Is it a monster?

It’s a squirrel.

Dude, are you talking to a squirrel?

Satyr powers. Be nice. This squirrel knows every corner of these woods. Maybe he can help us.

Really? Because I think that seems kinda… nuts.

You hurt his feelings. Tell the squirrel you’re sorry.

What is he saying?

He says he knows where we are.

It’s too late to be out all alone. Where are your parents?

Trust me. If we told you… you wouldn’t believe it.

Everyone needs a hobby.

That one looks like my Uncle Ferdinand.

…Really?

Seriously. The detail work is amazing.

It’s just one picture, Percy.

It’s like you can see every individual strand of fur!

Well… I guess one picture can’t hurt. Should I smile?

Interesting choice to have him screaming.

Does anyone else hear a hissing sound?

Yep, she really captured Uncle Ferdinand!

Who’s ready for their close-up?

Really…captured…

Why use a camera…

Percy! That IS Uncle Ferdinand!

She did what?

She turned her into a monster. Oh look a bunch of empty boxes.

We are impertinent.

Guys! I solved all our problems! While you two were here not solving all our problems, that squirrel came back and gave me these!

Three Amtrak tickets?

Now aren’t you glad you apologized? We are totally killing this quest.

Do we have enough drachmas for an Uber?

We don’t even have enough drachmas for a veggie burger.

If you hadn’t bought all those dam snacks -

It was the Hoover Dam! And I was hungry!

Vegas, baby!

Thanks for the ride.

Forgetting something? This is where I get off.

That guy is so cool.

It’s crazy to think this time tomorrow, we’ll be at the Underworld.

Yeah, then all we have to do is find Hades, get the bolt back and stop a bunch of gods from starting a war. We have a plan for that, right?

AAH!

You really do drool in your sleep.

Wha? What happened?

You were screaming. It was waking up the other passengers. Well, not Annabeth.

I had this dream. I was at the edge of a pit, and the thief was there. He was talking about the bolt.

That must’ve been Hades.

He wasn’t alone. There was some thing in the pit. It told him to remember… Thalia? What?

I haven’t heard that name in a long time.

You know who she is?

She was my friend. I should’ve told you. I thought, if I did, you’d never want me on this quest. If you knew what a failure I really am. Ask Annabeth. She knows.

I thought I was the only kid of the Big Three Gods.

You are now. We’d almost made it to camp, but I got nervous. And we got lost. By the time we found the hill… Something found us.

And saved her… Right?

It was too late for that. As she died, he turned her into a tree, so she could stand protecting us, forever. The way I couldn’t do for her.

(Following The Tree On The Hill)

I don’t know why you heard her name in your dream. But I know what it means. If we fail this quest, it’s gonna be my fault.

We’re here.

Are we sure we’re ready to do this?

Not at all. Let’s go. This must be it. DOA Records.

Kinda figured there’d be monsters.

We’re totally dead.

Yeah, we, um, drowned. In the bathtub.

Maybe death metal isn’t your genre? We have all the greats down here. Mozart, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain. Who do you feel like listening to?

Do you have any Josh Groban?

I swear, it’s not me! It’s - my - shoes! They’re trying to pull me into that piiiiit!

Percy!

I’m a little - AH! - preoccupied!

I’m on it. Chewed ‘em off. Whoa! In you go…

You mean that thing down there is… Kronos? But it doesn’t make sense! What would Kronos want with my shoes?

They were really cool shoes.

You think he wanted… my deodorant?!

That’s Zeus’s bolt.

And why would I want to do that?

Because… you’re super chill that way?

That was amazing!

That was awesome!

I had some help.

Hey Mrs. Jackson.

As my official protector, you can officially escort us back to camp.

And you’re conscious this time!

Wise girl?

He’s gone. But he won’t get far. I’ll have all the squirrels on the east coast searching for him.