Sir Philip Sidney

• Sonnet 31

  • Alternative Title: no bitches?

  • Summary: a guy commiserates with the moon because his crush stella keeps rejecting him

  • Rough Translation: hey moon you look pretty heartbroken, same dude. are girls up in the sky as proud and aloof as they are down here? why are they so ungrateful that i love them

• Sonnet 39

  • Alternative Title: still no bitches

  • Summary: a guy has insomnia

  • Rough Translation: i really need to sleep so i can dream about my crush stella

Edmund Spenser

• Sonnet 1

  • Alternative Title: a serious case of needs to get laid

  • Summary: a guy gets jealous of letters he wrote

  • Rough Translation: i wrote these love letter poems to this girl i like and i am so jealous of those pieces of paper because they get to be held by her and looked at by her

• Sonnet 26

  • Alternative Title: dude seriously get laid

  • Summary: a guy justifies his masochism

  • Rough Translation: good things always have flaws but that just makes them even better

• Sonnet 75 (actually kind of a banger for some reason?)

  • Alternative Title: HE GOT LAID YALL

  • Summary: a guy tells his girlfriend that she will live forever in his poems

  • Rough Translation: i wrote my gfs name on the sand and the tide washed it away so i wrote it again and the tide washed it away again and my gf was like chill out dude nothing is permanent im going to die too and then everyone will forget my name and i was like actually no they wont because you will last forever in all these sappy poems i write about you

William Shakespeare

• Sonnet 29

  • Alternative Title: poor boy simp anthem

  • Summary: a guy wishes he was rich but then remembers he has a super hot gf

  • Rough Translation: man i hate being poor i wish i could be rich and have lots of friends and be attractive but also i do have a really sexy girlfriend and shes basically the equivalent of money for me so maybe being poor is okay actually

• Sonnet 73

  • Alternative Title: it smells like old people in here

  • Summary: a guy gets emo about being old

  • Rough Translation: bro i am so old but at least its making me love life more

• Sonnet 116

  • Alternative Title: love is love

  • Summary: a guy writes a love poem for the 10000000th time

  • Rough Translation: true love never dies and if this is wrong then nobody’s ever loved before

• Sonnet 130

  • Alternative Title: im not gay i swear i just think women are kinda ugly

  • Summary: a guy gives his girlfriend a really backhanded compliment

  • Rough Translation: bro my gf is so unattractive but i love her